Latest Scoop and Gossip

Good morning, ladies and gentlemen. This is Station KBUZ with all the latest town scoop and gossip that is fit to broadcast.

First, this bulletin just in: Bubba and Sissy Baryshnikov are the new proud grandparents of triplet boys: Harry, Jerry and Larry in alphabetic and birth order. The parents figured, with rhyming names, if they said “Stop that” to one, maybe all would stop that.

Speaking of triplets, Doug and Dagmar Doggins have three new pit bull puppies, all males. They posted a sign: “Beware of dogs with attitude.”

Ethel Ethrington had an operation on her big toe—ingrown toenail on her right foot—but she hopes to be off crutches in time for the upcoming square dance.

The Clandistines are off on a cruise in the North Sea. They had to change dates when the ship they were scheduled to embark on hit an iceberg and sank the week before they were to leave.

Maude McSpinster, proud to be an “old maid” schoolteacher, has lost 50 lbs. Asked how? She said: “Fad diets don’t work. Whenever I feel hungry, I just drink a glass of water. Of course, I have to leave the classroom quite often to empty my bladder.”

The Clinic on Wheels stopped at the City Hall last week, which helps people deal with minor aches and ailments. The line went all the way around the courthouse.

Coming up soon is a surprise celebrity who will be in town for a seminar on “Sex after Sixty.” We are told it is already sold out.

That’s all for now folks. Until tomorrow, this is station KBUZ reminding you to keep us posted on all your latest scoop and gossip.